Rocks in my Pockets

Puppies!!

2009-07-25T20:12:00.005-04:00

We got another puppy a couple of weeks ago! Her name is Trixie -- she's the white one. The "brindle" dog is Rhoda, who we adopted in January. They have become BFFs, although Trixie seems to be amused by chomping down on Rhoda's ear as they run around the yard together. Rhoda has been very patient so far...
In other news, my humble little bunch of orange flowers has totally exploded into a jungle of cosmos! They are cosmos, as it turns out, and not larkspurs. That shows how much I know about plants.... but I'm learning! I've also planted some lamb's ear, REAL larkspurs, and chinese forget-me-nots. We'll see if anything pops up!

You Betcha I'm Thrilled!

2009-07-05T00:18:00.005-04:00

I have really, really missed Sarah Palin being in the news over the last few months. So when she made her big announcement on Friday, I immediately resumed my election season habit of switching between all the cable news channels on TV while tracking the latest online news reports on my laptop. Today I signed up for a CNN email alert for any story containing the word "Palin." I am hooked! Again!!

Sarah Palin fascinates me. I love how she sometimes begins to answer a question in a very logical manner, but her response always snowballs into some incoherent, rambling babble. There have been multiple times where I've had to look up a transcript of an interview/speech just so I could try to figure out what exactly she was trying to verbalize to America.

Here is one of my favorite parts of her weird speech on Friday:

My choice is to take a stand and effect change – not hit our heads against the wall and watch valuable state time and money, millions of your dollars, go down the drain in this new environment. Rather, we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time, on another scale, and actually make a difference for our priorities – and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans.

By the way, you can watch the video here (she doesn't get to the point until 12 minutes in... you know how she is) and read the transcript here. Hearing her talk reminds me of a Michael Scott quote from the Office: "Sometimes I start a sentence and I don’t even know where it is going, I just hope I find it along the way."

Well, Sarah Palin, I once again had to read your transcript to understand what the hell you were trying to communicate to the public. But regardless of how little sense you make, I sure am happy to hear from you again.

Cannibalism!

2009-06-20T12:59:00.001-04:00

I am house sitting again for the "chicken house" -- although this summer they've also added guinea pigs and ducks to the mix. That brings the grand total of animals to 30 -- counting the fish, parakeets, cats, and Buddy, the cute little dog that tinkles on his front paw every time he pees.

This house is far enough out of town that is is also home to a WHOLE BUNCH of bugs. Bugs I have never seen before that look like they are more native to Costa Rica than Chattanooga. There was one large beetle? roach? tarantula? in the driveway the other night that I thought about taking a picture of so I could identify it, but I thought the flash might startle it and I had no idea if it could fly or bite or lay eggs under human skin, etc.

Today, though, I went to check the mail and happened upon something right out of National Geographic! On the handle of the mailbox there were two praying mantises. One of them was bigger and the other one wasn't moving. I thought they were mating until I realized the smaller one was completely DESICCATED! His abdomen was split open and nothing was left inside. Also, his head was gone. The female looked really satisfied.

Giving Plants Another Chance

2009-06-06T15:11:00.000-04:00

Some of you know about my relationship with plants. It's very unhealthy. I don't like them because most of them make me sneeze, and they don't like me because I kill them accidentally.

Let me tell you the story of my aloe plant. Last fall, I bought an aloe at a fundraiser on campus. Apparently, aloe plants are super easy to take care of, but mine just wasn't looking too hot after I'd owned it for about a week. I thought it needed more sun so I left it outside one day with the absolute best intentions... unfortunately, it got below freezing that night and I forgot to bring the plant inside. I brought it in the next morning, and it looked okay... until it melted.
This is not the only plant I've murdered. Maybe you remember last summer, when I went on a plant killing spree at two homes where I house-sat. I really don't have the best track record with plants. Well, all of that is changing! I have recently taken pity on the garden in front of our house. It hasn't been weeded or watered or anything in probably eight years. I decided to try to give it a makeover, but I didn't know where to start. So I went to my grandmother.

My grandmother is a wonderful gardener, and last week when I told her I was going to give gardening a try, she took me outside to her garden. She pulled up a few young larkspurs that hadn't bloomed yet. All I had to do, according to her, was put them in my garden as soon as I got home, water them, and then leave them alone. I didn't believe her, but I tried it anyway. (She even called me later at home to make sure I'd really watered them... she knows I'm dangerous.) And then yesterday, LOOK WHAT I WOKE UP TO!
Holy moly, I grew something!!! I am ecstatic. HAPPY JUNE, EVERYONE!

Imagining the Fourth Dimension

2009-05-26T00:13:00.005-04:00

I know I've made some of you watch this video, "Imagining the Tenth Dimension." Here is the link for those of you who haven't watched it yet -- it's pretty cool! Although after the 6th dimension or so it is waaaay over my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkxieS-6WuA

Last night a few of us geology students got together and watched Star Wars. One girl hadn't seen it before and we decided to make it even more entertaining by turning it into a drinking game. We drank anytime Luke whined, a droid lost a body part, and whenever Chewie went "Rawwrrrr!"

Needless to say, we only lasted through half the movie. By that point I was trying to convince the others that if you close your eyes and concentrate, you can feel yourself moving through the fourth dimension. Someone said, "What does it feel like?" And I said, "It feels like one second = one second." The other girl tried to feel herself moving through the fourth dimension but she fell asleep.

Today I went to another movie party at another geology student's apartment, where we watched Jurassic Park. By the time I started walking back to my car, a thunderstorm had popped up. It was dark and raining and I was so sure the T-Rex was going to pop out of the trees and start charging at my minivan as I desperately tried to start it. Instead I made it safely through the third dimension to my home without encountering any dinosaurs whatsoever.

It was a good holiday weekend.

Okay srsly, I'm back now

2009-05-20T15:18:00.000-04:00

I guess I spoke too soon nearly four months ago when I said I was going to start updating again. Basically, last semester was the toughest semester of my whole entire life! And I'm not complaining about it, either. I had a blast, took lots of awesome field trips (including one to Costa Rica!), and quadrupled my knowledge of rocks. All that learnin left little time for the internet, though. Sorry if any of you have felt neglected. I haven't even checked my own mother's blog in months.

I don't actually have a real job this summer, other than babysitting. That means I have plenty of time to engage in relaxing activities like tutoring in Calculus, studying for the GRE, and getting serious about my grad school search! My heart is still set on Arizona but I've decided to also look at New Mexico, Nevada, and MAYBE California... although the thought of dealing with 18-lane highways on a regular basis is really scary. Marie and Linda, how do you do it? Really? Do you fear for your life every time you leave your driveway?

Another part of my heart tells me I'd be just as happy going to school here in the South, even though all our rocks are covered up by those dang plants.

I'll leave you with a few pictures from the Costa Rica geology field trip...
This was taken at Puerto Limon, on the Caribbean coast. I'm standing on the top of a coral reef that was uplifted by about 5 feet after a Mag. 7 earthquake in 1991. It exposed the top of the coral and now you can walk out on it... pretty awesome!

This is one of the craters at Volcan Poas. At the bottom of the crater is Laguna Caliente, with a pH close to zero! That's why there aren't any plants growing within the crater. To give you an idea of scale, this crater is about 1.5 km across and 300 m deep.

Here's Poas again, from the airplane. You can see both of the craters in this picture. As you can see, the lake in the other crater is much friendlier, with a higher pH and lots of vegetation growing around it.
This is our friend Lenny, the three-toed sloth. He stayed in one of our cabins on the Caribbean coast and didn't move the whole time we were there! Did you know that a sloth's fur is covered in cyanobacteria? I think the bacteria is a skin irritant to predators of the sloth. It's their only defense. Two of my favorite organisms living happily together -- I love it!

We passed this cow on the way up to Monteverde. Check out her mule-ish ears.

Claire Bear Wakes Up

2009-02-01T14:17:00.002-05:00

I have been in hibernation for the last couple of months, in terms of blogging and other activities. But today, the sun came out and it's 60 degrees and now that spring is allllllmost here, it's time to get back in the swing of things. There are a lot of things that are new this year.

1. New Dog: We have adopted a puppy! Her name (after about a week of debate) is Rhoda. She is an angel. She's dark, splotchy brown with a pink patch on her nose and a white chest and little white patches on her cute little feet. She is just the sweetest dog you can imagine. She's a mutt, I think she has pitt bull in her but everyone else thinks it's Boxer. She's also got some hound in her. She's only seven months old so she enjoys puppy activities like peeing on the floor, chewing on shoes, and eating cat food. But she is learning the rules quickly. She is such a sweetie. Can you tell I'm in love with this puppy? I am.

2. New Foot: My foot is all healed up from the surgery. It was pretty nasty looking for a while. It really looked like Frankenstein's foot. They made two incisions and there were lots of stitches and lots of swelling, but it's all gone down now and I can walk again! I might post before/after pictures if unsqueamish people want to see them...

3. New Classes: I was so excited when classes started back up a couple of weeks ago. I always miss school when I'm not there. I am taking tons of geology classes and one biology class, which Lucy is in with me. It's fun being in class with my sister. The professor has convinced herself that we're twins.

4. New President: What else can I say?! I love our new president almost as much as I love the new puppy.

I hope everyone has enjoyed the first month of the new year!!! Now I need to catch up on everyone's blogs...

Hospital Family Reunion

2008-12-15T11:50:00.003-05:00

Marie came into town for Christmas a couple of nights ago. Yesterday we all went over to the hospital to celebrate my grandmother's 82nd birthday. She's been in the hospital for five weeks now, and she's still working on waking up her brain.

I spent the whole day with her on Friday, and she would hardly talk and couldn't even hold a water bottle by herself. On Saturday, she kept asking the nurses for beer, so on Sunday, her birthday, we smuggled one in for her. I held it out to her and said, "Do you want a beer?" I didn't really expect an exuberant response because she hasn't been very exuberant for a few weeks, but she rolled her eyes at me and said, "That's the dumbest question I've ever heard," and snatched the bottle out of my hand and started drinking. So I would say she is doing much better.

Today I have my foot surgery, in the same hospital my grandmother is at. My mom is over there all day with my grandmother, Marie and Lucy are taking me to the hospital, and my dad is stopping by after work, so we're all going to be in the same place at the same time for a little while! It should be interesting...

Breaking Up With A Pickup-Truck

2008-12-11T18:15:00.002-05:00

Well I haven't posted in a few weeks, I thought I'd catch you all up on my life. Finals are over and done with, I got an A in CALCULUS, which I makes me grin every time I think about it, and now it's Christmas break.

I've also been looking at cars (I've actually been doing this for over a year now... I'm kind of slow at it). All week long I've had my heart set on a certain red Mazda pickup that was repo'ed by my credit union. It's a stick shift, and I am not exactly able to drive a stick shift, but I am willing to learn. My friend Jonny drove it around for me and said it seemed to run okay, and today I took it to a garage to get it looked at. When the mechanic called me back, he said, "Where did you find this thing?" I told him, and he said, "Turn around and take it right back to them." I wanted to cry. He said the muffler was crap, the oil had been low for a long time and had screwed up everything, and the rednecks who owned the truck before me took it "muddin'" too much and got grit all up in the guts of the car.

This has happened to me before. I fall in love with a car, it seems fine from the outside, and I take it to get it looked at, only to discover it has all kinds of invisible problems. Although if I had known what a muffler looked like before today, I bet I could have gotten under that car and determined for myself that it was about to fall off.

I went back to the credit union and handed over the keys to the truck. As I walked out of the bank into the cold, melodramatic rain, I felt like I had just broken up with someone -- someone who was really attractive and fun and seemed like a good guy from the outside, but turned out to be kind of a loser and definitely a Republican upon closer inspection. Goodbye, red Mazda. I hope you find someone who will put up with your flaws.

Oil Spill

2008-11-21T23:35:00.001-05:00

I just got home from babysitting and I smell like olive oil. The 7 year old boy was "helping me" find the popcorn in the pantry, and in the process knocked over an olive oil bottle that was mysteriously missing its cap. His exact words after this happened: "I think something spilled." And then he ran back into the living room to watch Pokemon, leaving me to fend for myself in a pantry that was literally dripping with oil. I started cleaning it up, but I was simultaneously trying to keep a newly-walking toddler out of the mess. I pulled the ole "Sit on this green tile in the middle of the kitchen floor far away from any sharp objects and don't move" trick. It worked for twelve seconds, which is a record for a 14-month-old, and was long enough for me to throw paper towels on everything to start soaking up the oil.

The mess eventually got cleaned up. Soon after I got home, my left hand started itching, and I noticed it was breaking out in hives. Dear God please don't let me be allergic to olive oil. That would totally suck. I guess it could be caused by anything, though. I took a benadryl just in case because I don't want to go into some sort of systemic shock in my sleep and stop breathing. Now I am about to pass out.

And this is how I spent my Friday night!

Our Happy Childhood

2008-11-12T22:44:00.000-05:00

I have been extra-nostalgic lately. Maybe cold weather makes me love home more, or something. The other day I pulled down a huge box of old drawings and elementary schoolwork that our mother has saved over the years. I spent a long time looking through it all and I decided to post a few things up here, for the sake of Marie who is a bazillion miles away, and also because I want to show off the childhood of me and my sisters.

Here is something Marie did in about third grade. She is the linguistic and artistic prodigy of the family.Here is something that I drew circa 1990. My pictures were always of happy people and rainbows. The things that look like polka-dotted rocks are either dogs or spotted kittens. That very well-drawn bird is the work of my sister, who always had better fine motor skills than me.
Lucy was the most rambunctious of us, as shown in her preschool report card. Under "Response to discipline," her teacher wrote, "Lucy can ignore us for long periods of time."

Remember the Night Rainbow

2008-11-08T18:07:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week I was, as usual, reading some books to some kids and getting paid for it. One book in particular gave me a major flashback to early childhood. It was If You're Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow by Cooper Edens. It's a very absurd book and a little eerie, actually. Here's the front cover.
I had completely forgotten about this book until I saw the cover the other night. My three-year-old self was afraid of this book cover. But it's a great book, and most of the illustrations aren't terrifying, and the words are just delightful. Here are some lines that I like the most:

If you have butterflies in your stomach,
ask them into your heart.
If your heart catches in your throat,
ask a bird how she sings.
If the birds forgot their songs,
listen to a pebble instead.
If there is no happy ending,
make one out of cookie dough.

What a great book to read to your kids!
I found a site where someone has posted all of the pages to the book. If you want to read the rest of it and see all the illustrations, go here.

More Fall Colors

2008-11-06T15:40:00.004-05:00

I took some pictures at the big cemetery in Redbank and at Coolidge park this week. I don't know why I'm so infatuated with pretty leaves. I think it's because when I was teeny tiny, my sisters and I spent all day at our grandmother's house. She would walk with us around her backyard and we'd pick out the prettiest fall leaves and make leaf bouquets for our mother.
Happy fall, everyone!

In 50 Years...

2008-11-04T23:42:00.002-05:00

I will tell my grandchildren about this night. I think the sun has broken through the clouds, I think we're back on track again, I think America is on its way up again, and I think the rest of the world might be our friend again. In a couple of decades, every city is going to have an Obama Boulevard running parallel to MLK.

Sarah Palin can go back to Alaska now. I have been drinking something called a "Nutty Bitch" all night. It's a drink named for her. It has hazelnut and almond liquor and vodka. Karen keeps calling it a "Stupid Crazy Damn Bitch."

Those of you near a TV should turn it on RIGHT NOW because Obama should be speaking soon, and there are like 100,000 people waiting for Obama to come out in Chicago. People are in tears. It is pretty amazing to watch.

Things are looking up and I wish we could skip November and December and get on to January! AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

Snot

2008-11-03T23:56:00.003-05:00

I deal with snot a whole lot, and it is rarely from my own nose. Lots of children seem to be sick this week, and when I am around sick children, they get VIP attention. They know that if they look really pitiful, I will carry them around until my arms go limp and let them sit in my lap while I read "Runaway Bunny" (over and over and over), even if that increases the proximity between the child's runny nose and my face.
On Friday, I babysat a little kid who had the sniffles and every time I opened my mouth to talk to him, he would lean forward and sneeze or cough in the direction of my face, like it was a game. And if the point of the game was to make the babysitter sick, then he won! Woo-hoo! Go baby!

Beer

2008-11-01T23:09:00.000-04:00

I just learned about the Fossil Fuels Brewing Company and I had to share it with you. This guy had a bug trapped in 45 million year old amber and was able to extract some yeast, which he has "revived" and is now using to brew beer. Awesome! Marie, it appears it is currently only available in Northern California. You should look for it!

In other beer news, last night was Halloween, and I went out, which is not a common thing for me to do on a Friday night, or any night for that matter. My outfit was "the liberal media," and I wore my newspaper-print dress that some of you may remember from about five years ago. It was kind of a weird night, since I was less drunk than everyone else there. I had decided to remain in a state of nonintoxication such that I could drive myself home whenever I felt like leaving. I am glad I made that decision. I got sick of drunk strangers stumbling up to me and staring at my body, saying, "I'm reading the weather report! Hardy har har." Because there wasn't a weather report and they were staring at my boobs.

But overall it was fun, and today I have eaten nothing but chocolate from Walgreens. Hooray for day-after-holiday discounted candy!

I Love Lucy, and Harmoniums

2008-10-27T19:50:00.001-04:00

My little sister is one of the coolest humans on the face of the Earth. She knows something about everything. She offers up her random knowledge every once in a while. It might be about some weird breed of dog or some statistic about how many plastic water bottles are drifting in the Pacific ocean currents. She just remembers every bit of information that is remotely interesting to her.

Last night she was working on an art assignment and I was pretending to study for hydrology, but really I was babbling to her about how I can't wait for them to find fossils on Mars and how many questions about evolution and biology and the entire universe will be answered at that moment, etc. I didn't actually think she was listening. Then, like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, she pulled a book out of nowhere (actually, it was on the table right in front of her). It was The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. She flipped right to chapter 8 and read this to me:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are creatures in the deep caves of Mercury. The song their planet sings is important to them, for the creatures are nourished by vibrations. They feed on mechanical energy. The creatures cling to the singing walls of their caves.
...The creatures in the caves look very much like small and spineless kites. They are diamond-shaped, a foot high and eight inches wide when fully mature. They have no more thickness than the skin of a toy balloon.
Each creature has four feeble suction cups -- one at each of its corners. These cups enable it to creep, something like a measuring worm, and to cling, and to feel out the places where the song of Mercury is best. Having found a place that promises a good meal, the creatures lay themselves against the wall like wet wallpaper.
...There is no way in which one creature can harm another, and no motive for one's harming another. Hunger, envy, ambition, fear, indignation, religion, and sexual lust are irrelevant and unknown. The creatures have only one sense: touch.
They have weak powers of telepathy. The messages they are capable of transmitting and receiving are almost as monotonous as the song of Mercury. They have only two possible messages. The first is an automatic response to the second, and the second is an automatic response to the first.
The first is, "Here I am, here I am, here I am."
The second is, "So glad you are, so glad you are, so glad you are."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That just brightened my entire day! I wish humans greeted each other that way. This book has jumped to the top of my reading list! I can't wait to start it!

And I have to say to Lucy, even though she doesn't read my blog, I am so glad you are, so glad you are, so glad you are my sister! Marie, I'm so glad you are my sister, too. And to prove it, I will put up a picture of all of us back when we were really cute, almost as cute as spineless Mercurial kites.

My Left Foot

2008-10-23T20:07:00.005-04:00

I went to the orthopedist again today and I am having foot surgery in December! I won't be able to walk for most of winter break. So get ready for three to six weeks of grumpy, crippled Claire! The doctor showed me a foot book with pictures of what the surgery will look like, as in what my cut-open foot will look like during the operation. That was a bad idea. I got queasy. The nurse said she bets I'm glad I'm studying rocks and not people, and I told her she is correct.

This is Cathedral Valley in Capitol Reef National Park, one of my favorite places in the whole wide world!

Holy Living Fossils, Batman!

2008-10-21T15:23:00.001-04:00

I was babysitting over the weekend, and the kids were watching old episodes of Super Friends. Have you ever seen this show? It is completely ridiculous. Those super heroes think they have the right to go around violating all the laws of physics! For instance, Superman was flying through outer space trying to catch up with a space ship full of bad guys, so he pulled out a lasso and threw it through space, grabbed the space ship, which came to a screeching halt, and pulled it back to him. In outer space.

In another episode, the Super Friends found a cave hidden underneath an ocean, and in the big cavern was the lost city of Atlantis. There was also a green T-Rex with opposable thumbs. That's when Robin uttered "Holy living fossils!" And it reminded me of a crochet project I started a while ago...

I started some sort of shawl/shirt thing from a Stitch n' Bitch book in May. It's really hard because it isn't rectangular, and it uses this stitch pattern known as the shell relief. So I did a few rows at the beginning of the summer and never got around to doing the remaining 97% of it. But I did complete enough of it to discover that the "shell relief" stitch is actually a TRILOBITE stitch! For you non-nerds out there, I will post a side-by-side picture of the crochet and a trilobite (using my handy dandy Copy and Paste skills!)

I think I could create my own line of paleontology-inspired crochet attire. What do you think?

Why I'm Voting For Obama

2008-10-11T14:45:00.002-04:00

I was just sitting here crocheting a new scarf, listening to the Philadelphia rally that Obama did today. And he told this story that I want to share with all of you. I like a politician who can tell a good story about pie.

Obama: It's not just democrats who are noticing what a mess we're in. I was in Ohio in a small town called Georgetown. We were on a bus tour, a bus tour for jobs in Ohio. And I was with the governor there, Governor Strickland, and we decided to stop at a diner because I was hungry and decided I wanted some pie. [laughter from crowd] Pie. That's what I wanted.
[Asks the audience] Do you make pie? [people shouting] What kind of pie do you make? [shouting] Sweet potato pie? [wild cheers] I like sweet potato pie. [more wild cheers as he talks about sweet potato pie for a minute]
...Anyway, they did not have sweet potato pie in... southern Ohio. So I had coconut cream pie [crowd boos coconut cream pie] and the governor of Ohio, he had lemon meringue pie. So we ordered our pie, and I, uh, I decide that I'm gonna take a picture with the wait staff because they all say that the owner is a die hard republican. So they want to take a picture with me so they can give him a hard time. And just as we're finished taking the picture, the owner comes out with our pie.
So I take my pie, and I say, "I hear you're a die hard republican, sir." And he says, "That's right." I said, "How's business?" [laughter] He said, "Not so good, 'cause my customers, they can't afford to eat out anymore." I said, "Who's been running the economy for the last eight years?" He said, "I guess the republicans have." I said, "Let me ask you something. If you just kept hitting your head against the wall, and it started to hurt, would you think about stopping at some point?"I just love this man. In fact, I love him so much that I designed this new poster for his campaign, using my advanced skills with Microsoft Paint. This will win over those stubborn republicans and "undecided" voters, for sure! I mean, who doesn't love sweet potato pie? (I'm going to guess McCain and Palin!)

Smelly Things

2008-09-29T19:23:00.001-04:00

I went to Greenlife today to get some non-aluminum deodorant because I don't want to get Alzheimer's. For you non-Chattanoogans, Greenlife is like Trader Joe's, but a lot more self-righteous. It has a bunch of organic, natural, expensive stuff. Anyway, they had about 20 varieties of aluminum-free deodorant to choose from. I didn't get the cheapest one, since it proudly proclaimed that it contained lichen as an active ingredient. Yuck! And I didn't get the next cheapest because the label said Deodorant with an accent over the e, and the only scents were things like "Fresh Mountain Lavender Root" and "Asian Ginger Red Leaf Tea." I am a snob about snobby expensive things. If it takes more than two adjectives to describe the scent of something, I don't want it. And if you start throwing around accents and umlauts all over the place to make it sound European when it's really made in Illinois, I don't want it. I ended up getting Tom's brand, because I'd heard of it, and it smells like honeysuckles.

And now for something completely different, I hope you all have watched Katie Couric interviewing Sarah Palin! If not, look it up on cbsnews.com because that is some quality entertainment!

I'd like to end this post with a delightful conversation I had with a four-year-old at work. He was washing his hands at the sink when he said...
Child: Hey, this water smells like watermelon!
Me: Really? Maybe the soap smells like watermelon.
Child: (sees a picture of a sun on the soap container) No, the soap smells like the sun!
Me: So what does the sun smell like?
Child: (Sniffing the soap on his hands) ...The doctor's office?

Warm Colors on Cool Days

2008-09-25T16:02:00.007-04:00

I really am in love with colorful things. Now that fall is here, I am on the lookout for some pretty colors from the warm side of the spectrum. And I found some today! These leaves reminded me of Linda's beautiful beach rock/glass shard arrangements. (If you don't already, you should read Linda's blog, there's a link on the left somewhere)One downside to fall is that I have been nearly late to all of my morning classes this week. I just want to stay in bed forever and ever because now that the mornings are getting cooler, I know the tile on the bathroom floor is going to be cold. Cold floors are definitely not on my list of things that I love!

I Declare!

2008-09-24T22:38:00.005-04:00

Well I haven't written a new post in a while, and I don't have anything earth-shattering to share with the general public and/or the five people who frequently visit this blog, but I was just sitting here stumbling and came upon a news article regarding PETA. Did you hear about this? Apparently they asked Ben and Jerry's ice cream to use human milk instead of cow milk. I can't understand why some people spend so much time and energy investigating every single food product they will ever use. There are just a lot of more interesting things you could spend your time doing than fretting over things like soy cheese and wheat gluten.

Like cross-stitching, which is my latest old-lady hobby. I saw a cross-stitch pattern on a website and fell in love with it on the spot. It's going to say this: "Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe." I just love that saying! I am a firm believer in all three of those statements.

In other news, Mr. Telephone Harassment finally quit calling me, but not after calling me rude. If you want to know how to really piss me off, call me rude when I'm not being rude. He seemed to be under the impression that I was somehow obligated to call him and go out with him. Well, here is a news flash to him and other Telephone Harassers: a lady is never, ever obligated to call a gentleman whom she does not know and has no relationship with. And she is certainly never obligated to go out to dinner with him. And her lack of obligation to call him is directly proportional to the degree of his delusion that women somehow owe him something. Next time I see that fellow, I have a few words to say to him! (Like, maybe, "Go paddle your own canoe.") So there! Hrmph!

So that's the exciting life of Claire! Stay tuned for the next installment: Claire grows up to be a crazy, old, un-wed cat lady with a house full of unfinished needlework projects.

Just kidding!

... I hope!

Oopsy-Daisy

2008-09-13T13:23:00.002-04:00

This has been one of those weeks where I have made poor decisions and multiple mistakes of varying degrees of severity every single day. I think I should approach this the Eric Carle way, a la The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
On Monday, she bombed a structural geology test and forgot to do her calculus homework, making it difficult for her to maintain eye contact with either professor out of shame and embarrassment for the rest of the week. Whoops.

On Tuesday, she gave her number to a "nice" guy she met because she didn't want to be mean and not give him her number when he asked, and soon thereafter discovered he's under the impression that if a lady converses with him, she is secretly in love with him. Oops! Now she is in that awkward position where she doesn't want to pursue a life-long relationship with someone who seems to believe otherwise. She hopes that he will realize that if a lady fails to answer or return his obsessive calls, he can consider it a sign that the wedding has been called off.

On Wednesday, she was babysitting three adorable little ones who were all soundly asleep, when she discovered a terrifyingly gigantic spider crouching on the living room floor. After several adrenaline-fueled minutes of choosing the right weapon to slay the monster with and from what angle to whack it and with how much force, she finally brought the edge of a broom down on it -- only to realize it was a plastic toy spider. Oops! (If only she had noticed the green polka dots on its legs sooner!)

On Thursday, she went to a breast cancer research fund-raising party and thought it would be a fun idea to volunteer in the kissing booth, in the name of charity. She should have known better!

On Friday, she played it safe. She went to school, came straight home, and curled up on the couch to watch multiple episodes of Northern Exposure. After that, she felt much better.

Bellowing Bill-O

2008-09-03T22:52:00.000-04:00

Our household got Dish DVR last week and I am already in love with it. Even though we have tons and tons of channels and three months of free HBO, the most entertaining thing I have watched so far is Bill O'Reilly on the Fox News network. Have you ever watched The O'Reilly Factor? It is hilarious! I like it when he starts yelling at his guests once he realizes they might sound more intelligent than him. "Shut up! I won't let you talk anymore! I'm going to drown out your voice until the next commercial break!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th9yqoCJaCc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIVnwYGU9Qo

He is just so insecure and quick to anger, not to mention super paranoid about some evil, left-wing media conspiracy. In the words of my mother, "There's medication for that!"

I Love The Whole World

2008-08-31T14:04:00.004-04:00

I just stumbled upon this video, and even though it's a commercial, it is charming and I want to share it with you!

http://marianjechev.com/lovetheworld.htm

Wide-Open Doors

2008-08-29T14:07:00.002-04:00

The geology department has its own cottage-like building on campus and we all just adore our little home. Sure it smells weird and has all kinds of problems (once someone plugged something into an outlet and it started smoking), and there are black widows in the shelves and drawers, and the women's bathroom looks like it used to be a broom closet, but it is our own little spot on campus and we like it that way.

The university has decided that the department should move to one of the newer, larger buildings, and be neighbors with the chemists and biologists and so forth. That won't happen for a few years, though, so we get to stay in our cottage until then.

Yesterday the front doors to the geology building fell off their hinges. We all had to come in through the side emergency exit while they got someone over to fix the doors. It's two glass doors and the right one has never worked, only the left one would ever open. Today, though, I noticed the right door looked a little ajar, and lo and behold, it opens now!

So, not everything in the building is broken...

Busy Bee Again!

2008-08-25T20:42:00.003-04:00

Classes started last week, which means my summer lifestyle of baking cookies and watching Paula Deen every day has come to an end. This is going to be another busy semester! Today, one week after classes started, I had two problem sets due and started on three more. By the end of the week I should have at least four MORE problem sets to be finished by next week. It's going to be an endless parade of due dates for calculus and hydrology and structural geology! At least I won't get bored.

I'm also taking one extra class that I signed up for at the last minute just because I needed the hours and it looked easy and interesting. It's a geography class, so it somewhat relates to geology but without any of the math.

I mean, I really and truly do love math, and a part of me loves doing all these problem sets, for the same reason I like sudoku. But today I am thanking Jesus that this geography class will not involve any calculations whatsoever. A girl has to have some down time.

In other news, the family that I house sat for with the chickens informed me that the poor injured one died. She's the one that got bit by the dog one day while I was there. I chased her around pouring diluted hydrogen peroxide on her wound for a few days and even dabbed some neosporin on it when I got the chance, and by the time the family came back, the chicken was doing just fine. Then, apparently, one day she didn't come out of the pen and there were flies buzzing around the wound, and the next morning she was dead. The inside of the wound must have gotten infected. Grossss. And a little sad. Luckily chickens are just $8 and the family was planning on getting themselves some more, anyway.

Such is life! And death.

Antidepressant Cake

2008-08-16T11:49:00.005-04:00

Linda asked for that weird cake recipe I tried a few days ago and I am happy to share it! It's called Wacky Cake, but I think it has acquired several names throughout the decades. It originated in the 1930's when people couldn't afford milk, eggs, and butter, and was also popular in the WWII era when there were all sorts of rations. It's a great cake to bake when you are out of some key ingredient, or an excellent cake for any vegan in your life. Also, there is no mixing bowl to clean up. It's the lowest-maintenance cake recipe I have ever seen in my life. Here's the recipe I used:

Wacky Cake

1 cup sugar
4 Tbsp cocoa
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 cup flour

1 tsp vanilla
5 or 6 Tbsp oil
1 Tbsp vinegar
1 cup cold water

I used a 13 x 9 inch pan and it turned out to be a kind of thin cake, but that was fine with me. If you want it to be a thicker cake use maybe an 8 x 8 inch.

Right in the pan, mix together all of the dry ingredients. Make three little holes (or depressions... haha, get it?) in the dry mixture. Pour the vanilla in one hole, oil in the second hole, and vinegar in the third hole. I don't know why you can't just pour them all on top, but this is what the recipe says to do and it's really fun filling up little cake holes. Stir that up a little bit and then pour the cup of water on top and mix it really well with a fork, spread it evenly in the pan, and bake it at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes or so until it looks like a cake!

The icing I used was absolutely not vegan. I didn't measure it out well but I used maybe half a cup of cream cheese, mixed that with 1 to 1.5 Tbsp irish cream, and then added powdered sugar until it was delicious. It was maybe 2.5 cups of powdered sugar? Any icing would be delicious on this cake, though!

Enjoy!!!

Radar

2008-08-15T13:01:00.002-04:00

Have you ever read Radar magazine? It is amazing. Its motto is "Pop culture for smart people" and it is pretty much just clever trash. A couple of cover stories include "The Secret Lives of Hipster Hookers" and "Our Dinner with OJ Simpson." Another feature this month was the 50 Worst Colleges in America. And guess what? My ex, Reed College, was one of them!

Reed was runner-up for "Most Insufferable College" (Swarthmore was first). Here is Radar's description of Reed: "Known for its 'French-cafe-know-it-all' culture, Reed churns out the kind of smug, self-righteous bombasts you thought were possible only in subtitled movies." I would say this description fits about 94% of the students there. But maybe I'm still just a little bitter about wasting so much time and money at a school where I often felt like an ignorant, underprivileged redneck. Why hadn't I taken a year off to go backpacking across Switzerland? Why didn't I buy locally-grown organic kumquats and vegan shoes? Why did I sometimes shop at spawn-of-satan Walmart? Oh, yeah, because I'm not rich!

Jeez louise, I am bitter!! Sorry to the two Reedies who read my blog. Y'all aren't included in the 94% I mentioned earlier...

Okay enough college-bashing. I would like to say that I am in love with my current school, a little state university in Tennessee that may not be known for anything spectacular, but isn't known for anything especially un-spectacular, either. I am happy with that!

"Little Old Lady Claire"

2008-08-12T22:41:00.003-04:00

That's what my mother just called me. And I can admit that it's true... I enjoy activities like crocheting, baking, sitting on the porch with my mean cat, hanging out with my grandmother, and doing crossword puzzles. And today, I added another activity to that list: visiting the orthopedist to discuss my bunions. I am 22 years old and I have bunions. And I discovered today that I get to have foot surgery pretty soon. In the meantime, I have a splint for one foot that is supposed to relieve the pain. I'm only supposed to wear the splint at night, but I've been wearing it all day because it is so cozy! It is really soft and just wraps around the foot and velcros together. It's like a fuzzy little half-sock. And it immediately made my foot stop hurting, so it's my new best friend.

In fact, it put me in such a good mood that I tried out a new chocolate cake recipe! I think the recipe came about in the 30's -- it doesn't call for eggs, butter, or milk, and you mix together all of the ingredients in the pan you bake it in. Also, I made up an icing recipe that I am in love with. I came up with a clever name for it, too, and I'll tell it to you if you promise not to sell it to Betty Crocker. It's Bailey's Irish Cream Cheese Icing! In real life I used the cheap irish cream, but "Saint Brendan's Irish Cream Cheese Icing" is somehow not very catchy.

Courtney called me a while ago to see if I wanted to go out tonight. I said no... because really all I want to do at this moment is eat my depression-era cake and watch the Olympics while wearing my foot splint! You're only young once, after all!

And a note on the Olympics... watch the live men's swimming events because Phelps is absolutely amazing. I am not a sports fan at all but I have thoroughly enjoyed watching all the swimming events because of this man. He gets a gold medal every single time he gets in the water. In all of the races, it looks like he might come in second or third until the last 50 yards, and then he just all of a sudden passes everyone to come in first AND breaks a world record. Plus he's a dreamboat.

Fun with HTML

2008-08-06T13:53:00.002-04:00

I now have one of those little maps that has dots indicating where visitors to this blog are logging on from. You can zoom in all the way to the street level, so I tried that on the little dot that showed my location. It got the city right, but it seems to think I'm using my laptop in the Warner Park Zoo next to the railroad tracks. I'm not. But I like that it thinks that about me.

Why I Love My Job

2008-08-04T23:23:00.002-04:00

I like how kids think, and sometimes the things they say give us a little glimpse of how they experience the world. One of the four-year-olds was talking about his teeth one day. I asked him how many teeth he has, and he said, "five one'ty-one." I started laughing and he asked me if five one'ty-one is a real number, and I told him if that's how many teeth he has, it has to be a real number.

Another kid, 3 yr old, saw me putting something away in the closet and then closing the door. He said, "Um, Miss Claire, are there sharks in there?" I said I didn't think there were any sharks in there but we checked anyway, just in case. There weren't any.

UPDATE: On a totally unrelated note, I just stumbled upon this cartoon and it made me laugh out loud for at least five onety-one seconds, so I wanted to share it with you.

Tomato Killer Attacks Again

2008-08-02T15:47:00.005-04:00

So after totally destroying several of my professor's plants earlier this summer, I though I would know more of what NOT to do to other people's plants when I am taking care of them. But the plants at the house I am currently watching are beginning to resemble my professor's plants after I spent a few weeks with them.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong! I'm watering them, isn't that all you have to do to plants? I looked at the tomato plants in the garden today and realized that one side of several of the vines looked really yellow and droopy, so I left the sprinkler on them a little longer. That is all I can do. I could try singing to them... don't some gardeners talk to their plants? Maybe the tomatoes can tell I don't like them and I've hurt their feelings. Or maybe I just kill plants if I get too close to them.

My mom has the black thumb, too. I remember one year my sisters and I got her a cactus for Mother's day as a joke, and it died quicker than I thought a plant that doesn't like water could possibly die.

Kelly Pt. II

2008-07-31T20:31:00.002-04:00

I will let the picture do the talking.
But I will say that I love this bird!

Nice vs. Rude?

2008-07-31T10:37:00.004-04:00

I stumbled upon a website today that really bugs me. It's called Nice Critic and it is a way for a person to send an anonymous message to someone else through email to give them helpful advice without embarrassing the sender or the recipient of the message.

This might come in handy if someone is too afraid to tell a coworker "You have food stuck in your teeth" to their face, but there are a few messages you can send that are just flat out rude. Here are a few:
"Please consider wearing a more updated tie."
"It looks like it's time for a new mailbox."
"I suggest you try a different salon/barber for your next visit."
From the Office Behavior category: "Stories about your kids are not as interesting as they used to be." What a nice way to tell someone that their children have gotten boring.

I guess it just strikes me as tactless and rude to send messages like these. Some people just expect the whole world to conform to their expectations (regarding important things like shoe odor and handshake firmness). I would like to send an anonymous message to these people: I would kindly suggest that you consider asking your health care provider for a prescription for a chill pill.

Kelly

2008-07-28T21:49:00.004-04:00

The biggest chicken, and from what I can tell the least intellectual, is Kelly. A few days ago she started this new routine: every evening when all the other chickens go up to the pen, she goes to the spiral staircase leading up to the back porch. It's a rickety old metal staircase with spider webs all over it and I wouldn't trust it with my weight. But Kelly hops up there every evening and goes right to the eighth step and stops. I guess she's too scared to go higher and too scared to come back down. Anyway, for the past four nights or so I have found her up there when I go to close the pen. She'll start clucking really low when she gets stuck up there, and it kind of sounds like "uh oh.... uuuhhhhh oh....." I just reach up there and pick her up and carry her to the pen and she has no complaints about that.

Tonight, though, I found her waiting for me on the ninth step. I can't reach up that high. I tried giving her a motivational talk for a few minutes to see if she'd hop down just one more step so I could get her, but she wouldn't budge. So I poked her with a stick, but she just ruffled her feathers and clucked at me. I ended up having to climb up there and get her. I guess positive psychology and words of encouragement don't work on chickens.

Trouble in Chicken Paradise

2008-07-26T11:09:00.002-04:00

Well it has been a hectic week in the realm of chicken care. Two days in a row, a stray dog got into the backyard and scattered all the chickens out of the yard. Not only did that dang dog show the chickens several formerly undiscovered exits from the backyard, but he also sunk his teeth into one of the poor hens.

What do you do for an injured chicken? I had no clue, so I cleaned off the wound with hydrogen peroxide and water, and put some neosporin on it. It was nauseating to look at the wound -- the feathers on one part of her back were pulled out and the bite mark exposes some of the flesh and it just looks like chicken you'd buy in a package at Bi-Lo. Gross. But she seems to be doing okay -- she is resting a lot but is able to hop in and out of the pen, get herself some food and water, etc. I am optimistic.

The larger problem is that the chickens are scattering themselves in the neighboring woods (and neighbor's backyards) every day. One chicken totally "flew the coop" so to speak -- I haven't seen her since last weekend. The others, though, come back every night, they just wander about all day long. I have been working on building a fence in the back to keep them in, but they keep finding ways around it and now I'm all out of chicken wire.

Trouble in paradise, but I am enjoying having all these weird problems to solve. A month ago, I never would have dreamed that I would look forward to buying chicken wire at the hardware store, and coming home every night to a pen full of chickens waiting for me to tuck them in. They really are delightful creatures.

Think Like A Chicken!

2008-07-20T21:14:00.003-04:00

Chickens, although they are not the most intellectual beings on this planet, are very admirable creatures, I am discovering. They wake up with the sun and get right to work. They enjoy a very busy, structured day.

These particular chickens lay their eggs at 10:00 am. They spend the rest of the day picking the corn out of the chicken food. At 8:30 pm they gather around their pen and cluck at each other, then right at 9:00 they march up the plank to their pen. It reminds me of the animals marching into Noah's ark, except when these chickens march two-by-two into the pen, one of them falls off the side. That doesn't discourage them, though! They get right back up and fluff their feathers and try again!

There is a great Roger Alan Wade song that is appropriately called "The Chicken Song," and here's part of the lyrics:

A chicken wakes up to a new world every day,
As far as a chicken's concerned, everything's a-okay.
A chicken don't worry about nothin but cluckin
And the price of eggs today (and she don't worry much about that)
A chicken wakes up to a new world every day.

You reckon a chicken ever finds herself frettin
about getting old and ugly and fat?
I know a chicken's kinda dim, but I'm going out on a limb,
And I'd say a chicken's smarter than that.
A chicken knows half of being happy is just being happy with what you got,
Another half of being happy is just being happy no matter what.

People, life is short, time's a tickin'
If you wanna live like a king you gotta think like a chicken,
A chicken wakes up to a new world every day

Zoo Keeper

2008-07-17T19:01:00.002-04:00

I start another house sitting job tomorrow, this time for a family from the church that I work at. They have five kids and each kid has a pet or two, plus they've picked up some other animals along the road of life. This has all led to having a house full of humans and pets - lots and LOTS of pets.

There are a dog, cats, several aquariums of fishes, a hermit crab, parakeets, and chickens -- six of them! Until yesterday, I had never even held a live chicken (although I have held many fried ones). It should be an adventure.

Clean Tea

2008-07-14T14:24:00.005-04:00

So I was drinking some Lipton Brisk iced tea the other day and I read the ingredients on the back of the bottle. One ingredient stuck out: Sodium hexametaphosphate. That sounds gross even if you don't know what it is. We used sodium hex for a lab in a sedimentation/stratigraphy class I took last semester. It was used to dissolve and break up chunks of dirt for a soil analysis. It is basically Calgon soap.

Who knows why it's in Brisk tea, though! They claim on the bottle that it's to preserve flavor, but last time I checked soap is not typically used for that purpose.

Maybe I should keep some of that tea handy when I go camping, in case I want to take a bath.

Space-Time Fluctuations

2008-07-07T20:52:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning at 8:00, an hour before my alarm, because my cell phone was ringing. I looked at my phone and didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer it. A few seconds later the house phone rang. That meant someone was desperately trying to contact me and they knew both of my phone numbers.

I said hello, and the man at the other end said really fast something like, "Hi, this is (mumble) from the Learning Center. You were scheduled to be at work today at 7:30 and we were just wondering if there was something keeping you from being here on time."

I had just rolled out of bed and my brain was moving at the speed of a slug. For one second I had that panicky feeling when you realize you've forgotten something important on your schedule. But the next second I recalled that I haven't worked at the Learning Center for three months. I quit halfway through last semester. I told this to the mystery man, and he sounded kind of surprised and then apologized and hung up.

I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't get the Twilight Zone song out of my head. Doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo...

Cape Cod

2008-07-02T08:51:00.003-04:00

I am visiting Marie in Massachusetts this week. We took a little vacation to Cape Cod for a couple of days and it was absolutely beautiful! I took my new camera and here are some of the results: I really like how green the beaches are. There's grass and shrubery on all the beaches and dunes and it adds some beautiful color! If I were a millionaire, I would totally live here.

Sound Memories

2008-06-22T11:46:00.002-04:00

You know how they say the sense of smell is the closest sense connected to memory? I think sound must be the second closest. Hearing certain songs reminds me of where I was and how I felt at some point in the past -- past boyfriends, past trips, etc. For instance, anytime I listen to the Decemberists I get all nostalgic for when I lived in Portland and it makes me think, "Maybe I shouldn't have left."

But I'm glad I left and I know I'm not going to ever move back there. And there is no emotion I hate more than missing people and places that I've already moved on from!

So that means that I have a whole playlist in iTunes of songs I really like but never listen to.

Untrashy Trailer Trash

2008-06-20T12:43:00.003-04:00

That is what I want to be. If I lived in a town where I could not afford to pay for apartment rent and did not have any friends or family to live with, I think I'd want to live in a trailer park.

I wouldn't want a mobile home because they're too big. I'd want a little camper no more than 28 feet long, with a little kitchen and dining table and a couch and a bed and a pantry. Living in a camper has always been kind of appealing to me. I guess I associate it with traveling around the country a lot, since that's what my family did while my sisters and I were growing up. But even if I lived permanently in a trailer park somewhere with my little home on wheels, I would be happy.

It would be cheaper than having an apartment, less stressful than dealing with roommates and landlords, and if I wanted to pack up and leave, I would be able to skip the "pack up" part and just go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. And I love the feeling of having all my stuff right with me and being able to take it with me wherever I go. I must have been a snail in a past life.

Someday within the next few years I will be in grad school, probably in a city where I don't know anyone and won't have enough money for a decent apartment. If I had my own little trailer, though... Oh, the possibilities!

Plants: The Other Life Form

2008-06-16T17:04:00.003-04:00

So part of my job in house sitting is taking care of the dozens of potted plants outside, on porches, and inside the house. And I'm starting to worry that I'm doing a bad job. I decided to water the outdoor plants today because it had been about two days since I'd last watered them and Taylor had advised me to water the sun-exposed outdoor plants the most since their dirt dries up quicker. So I got out the hose and went over to the plants and just about started to cry -- they look really pathetic. The leaves were wilted and droopy. They looked depressed. And the soil was bone dry! I felt so negligent.

I just looked up "how to water plants" at wikihow.com, and one sentence stuck out at me and it might keep me up at night. "Water Correctly: Watering can cause perfectly lovely people to become plant serial killers." What if I'm a serial killer?! Do the plants get scared when they hear my van pull into the driveway? "Oh god, that serial killer is back! Look what she did to the ferns on the porch! What if we're next! Let's all get really wilted so she'll think we're already dead!"

I guess my plan is to water those sad-looking plants every day now, instead of every 3-ish days. Thoughts? Feedback? I don't know what on earth I'm doing with the plants and if ANY of you have any smidgen of advice for me I would love to hear it!

Walk of Life

2008-06-14T11:00:00.006-04:00

Well you may notice that the snails are gone. I wanted something different and a little less flashy-colors-in-your-face. I spent forever getting all the text colors just right. That's my way of putting off real work... I have a huge field trip report due on Monday and guess who has pitifully attempted to start?

I want you all to listen to this song -- I absolutely love it and it makes me feel like a million bucks when I listen to it. "The Walk Of Life" by Dire Straits.

Now I am going to move my computer to a room where I know I don't get a wifi connection, and I am going to do this report! If I write a new post before Monday afternoon, I give all of you permission to scold me.

Oh, P.S. -- tell me if the font is too little or hard to read or anything.

Bang Bang Bang!

2008-06-11T23:35:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror and decided I wanted to change my hair. So I drove into town and went to Great Clips and now I have shorter hair and BANGS! I love it!

I think I'll keep going shorter and shorter until I have hair like Maggie from Northern Exposure. I would love to have her hair. ...And her eyebrows and her cheekbones and her nose.

I keep surprising myself when I walk by a reflective surface. Marie, I look even more like you now! Although, I did get new frames for my glasses so we're not glasses twins anymore.

Well the cats are wandering around the house whining and complaining because I'm not in bed yet and apparently they can't sleep if I'm not asleep. Weirdos. Guess it's bed time!!

Night of the Living Arthropods

2008-06-07T12:42:00.004-04:00

The phylum Arthropoda is perhaps the most successful of all animal phyla, and the best adapted to long-term survival on this planet. They have been around since the dawn of complex multicellular life some 600 million years ago, they've survived through every mass extinction, and today they inhabit just about every environment on this planet. The cockroach is a great example of arthropods' strength and resilience, and last night I discovered that this house is full of them.

A few friends were over for a game of Trivial Pursuit, and about 5 minutes after they left, the power suddenly went out. So I got out my laptop for some light and brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. But as I walked over to the bed, in the corner of my eye I saw a large, oval object on the wall. I thought, Psh, that couldn't be a bug, it's really big and this isn't the jungle. And then it moved! It was a cockroach that was close to three inches long!! I got the roach killer and planned my attack, which involved throwing a sock at it to make it move and then chasing it around the room with the bug spray, all done by computer light. I finally killed it and smushed it with my house shoe and it made the most satisfying crrrrrunch I have ever heard. I left its mangled carcass on the floor, just in case there were any other roaches in the room -- I wanted them to get the message. Unfortunately the only message they got was that their buddy, possibly their Mighty King of Roaches, had been murdered. I turned around and there was another roach on the floor right in the doorway, blocking me from the counter that I had set the bug killer on. He got away when I tried to trap him in a pile of books.

The power came back on, along with every light in the house, so I went room to room turning off the lights. What do you think I saw in the computer room? A roach in the middle of the floor. I sprayed at him and he scuttled under a flower pot, along with his friend who was on the other side of me. They're like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park! They hunt in packs!!

Needless to say, I am going to Wal Mart to purchase some sort of roach trap. I want the most effective, deadly, disgusting sort of killing machine available. There is a common misconception that human beings are the epitome of evolution on this planet, but that is not true. It's bugs. They rule on this planet, and have for millions of years. And now they're invading my home. This means war!!

Laundry Day

2008-06-03T15:56:00.005-04:00

More adventures from Lookout Mountain. I had no clean shirts so I decided it was time to do laundry. I took my clothes down to the basement into the little laundry room, and froze. Spider webs. With spiders in them. Little brown house spiders. I mean, I guess that's what you're supposed to have in your basement, and it wasn't an unusual number of spiders to have in a basement, but I hate spiders.

I turned around carefully with my dirty clothes and decided to go back down the mountain to my house and do laundry there. But, no! The professor I'm house sitting for is one of my favorite and most inspiring professors in the history of my college career. If she knew I had not done laundry in her house because I was afraid of the spiders, she would be very disappointed and would probably comment on how I needed to get over my fear if I wanted to be a really good geologist. So I turned back around and headed for the washing machine. I saw some strands of spider web blocking the path, and I had an idea.

When I was little (and also today, not so little) my family would often go camping in the Smokys. Sometimes I would keep a stick handy if I was tromping through the woods with my brave sisters. It was my spider stick and I would wave it up and down in front of me as I walked through the woods, so it could knock down all the spider webs before I touched them. I didn't have a spider stick in the basement today, but one of the cats had followed me down. I used him as a spider stick.

It's not as bad as it sounds! He really didn't mind, I just picked him up and waved him around wherever I saw a spider web strand. He didn't object. He just accepted that I was being a weird human and played along. You know how cats are.

Reflective Retreat?

2008-06-01T22:36:00.005-04:00

Staying up here in this house on Lookout Mountain makes me think of great authors who have a little cabin in the woods where they can retreat to be alone and write their literary masterpieces without disruption from other humans. What is wrong with these people? How do they not go insane?!?! I could never live alone for an extended period of time. There is no one to talk to except for the critters.

The lights in the bathroom mysteriously stopped working today, and I didn't really know what to do. That's the sort of thing that has always been handled by a significant other or my dad. But I wanted to learn how to take care of a house for myself. "Kitty Boys, I am going to man up!" I announced to the cats as I flipped the breaker switch for the bathroom and flipped it back on. Then I ran back to the bathroom to see if it had worked, and it HAD! I was thrilled. "Look at that, kittens! I did something electrical!" I REALLY felt like Rose from The Golden Girls getting so excited about turning the lights on. But come on. I fixed the dang bathroom lights! One step at a time, folks.

The Kitty Boy who likes to play fetch (really!) woke me up this morning by bringing me a string of Mardi Gras beads and putting them in my face. It was a really confusing thing to wake up to.

Every day is an adventure!!

Home Away From Home

2008-05-28T20:59:00.004-04:00

I am house sitting for one of my professors this month. I didn't think I would have internet but she told me they sometimes "steal" wireless from one of their neighbors, and at the moment it seems to be working. This is a really nice, OLD house that, as far as I can tell, is not haunted. It does have two cats, though (both named Kitty Boy because they are identical), and a sweet dog named Maggie.

Maggie reminds me of Clover, our doggie that we had to put to sleep a couple of weeks ago. Maggie is a mutt like Clover and a little bit smaller, but has the same sweet face. She was wandering around the house earlier today and I said to her, "Wanna go outside?" When I would say "outside" around Clover, it would send her into a state of utter excitement and she would run to the door barking in her happy way, jumping up and down like she had just won The Price Is Right. But when I said it to Maggie, she just looked at me and walked to the door and waited for me to let her out. No jumping for joy. It made me cry.

But I was very thrilled to discover that, like Clover, Maggie enjoys having some company on the back steps. We sit there and listen to the rain and also the neighbor's music. They were listening to Diana Ross earlier. I think I'll go see if they've picked some different tunes.

Field Trips

2008-05-22T14:03:00.003-04:00

Today I took Andrew, the little toddler I babysit, to the park. We walked (well, he rode in the stroller and I pushed him). We got to the playground and tried out every activity once, but his absolute favorite thing to do is go up and down stairs. Really. I hold on to him and he pulls himself up, then we turn around and go back down. That gets exhausting after about 15 minutes! He slept on the way home.

It's fun walking around with a baby in the stroller. Everyone smiles at you and talks to the baby, like he's going to talk back. He's 15 months and his favorite (and only) word is "Hot." He sees an oven, "Hot!" He sees a lightbulb, "Hot!" Or the metal railings at the playground that have been in the sun all day, "HOT!"

That's in stark contrast to the 18 m.o. baby I just started watching. He knows a whole dictionary worth of words. He labels absolutely everything he sees. "Table. Mama. Coffee. Claire. Crayon. Flower." If he hears a car go up the street, he says, "Truck." If he hears his daddy working in the garage, he says, "Hammer." And the way he says it is so funny -- it's like he's answering a question. He seems to anticipate me asking, "What's that?" and he just goes ahead and tells me the answer before I waste my breath.

This picture is from a geology trip I took a couple of weeks ago. This is in Cathedral Valley inside Capitol Reef National Park. It is an absolutely breathtaking place. These are the temples of the Sun on the right and Moon on the left (it's far away but about the same size as the temple of the sun). I would love to live right there!

Up In The Mountains

2008-05-17T00:11:00.002-04:00

This summer I will be spending a lot of time driving up and down the two mountains near town, Lookout mtn and Signal mtn. One is for house-sitting and the other is for baby-sitting. I'm not used to driving down mountains. It's scary. Both mountains have a little two-lane road with lots of curves and even more impatient commuters who could probably make the drive blindfolded and get all pissed off when someone goes the speed limit.

As I was driving down Signal mountain today, I was stuck behind a truck that was going 35 even though the limit is 40. I was SO thankful to be behind that truck -- even if it hadn't been there, I'd have been driving down that mountain slowly. The presence of the truck just ensured that the impatient mountain dwellers didn't honk their horns and get all huffy at me. I hate feeling like I drive like an old lady... but I do.

I thought about making a habit out of piggy-backing behind slow trucks. Maybe I could find a spot at the top of the mountain where I could just wait for a truck to roll by, then hop into traffic right behind it and enjoy a leisurely roll down the mountain.

Or maybe I just need to man up and go the speed limit.

Now It's Summer's Turn

2008-04-25T01:31:00.003-04:00

I drove to Walmart tonight with the windows rolled down listening to country music, and the air smelled like barbecue and cigarettes and dirt.

I love it!

Why I Left Reed

2008-04-21T12:19:00.004-04:00

So those of you who know me probably know I used to go to this fancy, expensive, well-respected school in Oregon -- Reed College. I left after two years and people always ask why. I always tell them I ran out of money, changed my major, etc etc. Well here's another part of the equation that I don't always discuss.

Drugs are everywhere at Reed College. Any drug you want, you can get. During finals week, you can get adderall and speed and other "study aides" at a desk in the library lobby if you know who to ask (and it's not hard to figure out who that person is, since they're sitting at the labeled Stimulant Table). If you want pot or cocaine or heroin, there it is, right outside the entrance to your dorm, and often inside it. It is made plainly clear to the incoming freshmen at Reed: at this school, you do what you what.

It's not that I'm anti-drug. I think smoking marijuana is safer than smoking cigarettes. What I have a problem with is when an entire community -- like the Reed Community -- is so desensitized to the use of hard drugs that it fails to recognize red flags when they pop up. And they do pop up, frequently. Students are often asked to take a mandatory medical leave for a semester or two when they have to be rushed to the hospital on a cocaine overdose or if they run through a fire while tripping on acid.

Or a couple of weeks ago, when a student died on campus from a heroin overdose.

Reedies are very proud of the fact that they are so free and independent at their college. They have the freedom to make their own choices and expand their minds inside and outside of class, so to speak. Yes, Reedies do drugs, but they do so in a "safe" environment. They know they will be looked out for and taken care of. They know if they're having a bad trip, they can call Community Safety and they won't be penalized for committing a crime, rather they will be given the medical attention they need. But when students start accepting drug use as the norm, as nothing to be wary of, people literally die.

Like I said, I'm not anti-drug, and I'm no saint, either. But it really bothered me (and still does, from the opposite end of the country) that some unfortunate students are not taken care of, not looked out for. That's a failure of the system.

Retail Therapy

2008-04-20T22:01:00.002-04:00

Today I went to the mall. The BIG mall in town, which I typically avoid at all costs. But I needed some serious retail therapy, and the dinky mall near my house just wasn't going to cut it this time.

It's the end of the semester and finals start this week, so my stress is elevated as it is. Then last week I found out my dog has terminal cancer. And my best friend had a personal crisis the other day. It's all been wearing away at my sanity and I knew the only thing that would get me through this last week of the semester (other than studying my butt off) would be to go out and buy a cute skirt that made me feel good about life.

I hadn't been in the mall since a couple of Christmases ago. It was kind of fun but overwhelming. They have those kiosks in the middle of the halls where attractive men with sexy foreign accents try to get your money by saying, "Excuz me, miiz? May I ahsk you a quistion?" as you walk by. And then they try to sell you mineral powder makeup. I fell for it once, when I was young and naive. I ended up 30 dollars poorer, with two manicure sets that didn't work.

But I didn't fall for those accents this time. I had sun dresses to try on!

First I went to the store where I knew I couldn't afford anything but I wish I could. I love trying things on when I know I'm not actually going to buy them -- the pressure is off. So I just stood in front of the fancy semi-circle of mirrors in a lovely dress. The dress didn't fit right, but it was fun to see the back of my head in the mirrors.

I ended up at a more affordable store looking at the clearance section. There were these adorable flowery skirts but they didn't have my size. Then a 7-foot-tall sales person came striding over to my clothes rack to return some clothes from the dressing rooms. He asked if I was finding everything okay. I said I couldn't find a size six. Then he held up the item he was holding, and said, "Oh, look, it's a six!" It was my skirt. And he was my guardian skirt angel.

I tried it on, loved it, it was 60% off, I bought it! I'm happy now.

I can't believe I just wrote so much about shopping. Wow. Sorry.

It's Here!!

2008-04-03T21:36:00.004-04:00

It is finally full-on spring and I am just so relieved. I dislike winter intensely. But now it's April and when I drive to school each morning, I notice another batch of trees has started to sprout little green baby leaves. This time of year reminds me of the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy steps out of her boring black & white world into beautiful Technicolor!

This is a picture of some flowers that were mysteriously sitting on the kitchen table this afternoon. I think my sister brought them in (she has a habit of taking beautiful flowers from neighbors' gardens).

Look at that grass in the background! It's green!!!

Not Boring At All, Actually!

2008-03-31T19:35:00.005-04:00

I was at work the other night (childcare at a church) and we were watching a magic schoolbus video. The kids were talking about how much they love taking field trips, and I told them I still get to take field trips in college because I'm studying geology. One kid asked what we do on our trips and I told him we go all over the area and look at different rocks in different places. He visualized that for a few seconds and then said very seriously, "Well that sounds really boring."

But of course it isn't! If I'd had a good microscope and a thin section I would have shown him the beauty of the rocks all around him. This is an example of a typical igneous rock thin section under cross-polarized light. Isn't it gorgeous? The brightly colored polka dots are olivine, which is green in hand specimen (and one of the most abundant minerals in the world), and the gray and white striped grains are plagioclase feldspar, which is white in hand specimen. To give you non-rockhounds some perspective, this is an igneous rock, maybe diorite or gabbro. Granite is also an igneous rock but it has a whole bunch of quartz in it, and this rock doesn't seem to have much quartz at all. Thin sections are pretty cool to look at because you can identify minerals that you wouldn't be able to recognize easily by just looking at the rock in your hand.

As I was hunting through google for thin section pictures, I found this website. This guy has made thin sections of supposed meteorites and they're pretty weird looking! I've never seen anything like the last picture on his page.

So, in conclusion, I would like to inform all the 8-year-old smarty-pants boys of this world that looking at rocks is not boring at all. And if you know what you're looking for, it can be pretty exciting!

Googlism

2008-03-27T22:55:00.000-04:00

Some people find joy in googling themselves. I do it every once in a while, but apparently I haven't done anything noteworthy with my life yet so nothing interesting pops up. For people like me, there is Googlism.

You can type in your name and it spits out all kinds of phrases that begin with your name, from all over the internet. Here are some that really amused me:

Claire is a prolific journalist for magazines and newspapers and she is also in great demand as a cookery demonstrator in great britain.
Claire is convinced she has evidence which can be used to hunt down the killer.
Claire is da best date.

It makes me feel so good about myself! And maybe someday I will actually be able to google myself and find something about ME instead of the high school tennis champion from the midwest who shares my first and last name.

Maybe it will say something like... Claire found a clever way to sneak into the circus and watch it for free. Because I did that tonight. Unfortunately, I was too late to see the elephants. Which reminds me of a childhood aspiration that I have given up on: I used to really, really want to be the lady who wears the sequin dress and rides around on the elephant. She didn't have to do anything demanding, she just got to wear a cool dress and hang out with elephants.

If geology doesn't work out, at least I have a backup plan.

Lobster Mobster

2008-03-20T22:29:00.003-04:00

Today was supposed to be my last day at the daycare that I've worked at for almost two years. I tried not to think about it too much because I didn't want to get emotional, but luckily (I think?) they asked me to work just one more day next week, so no need for saying goodbye yet.

I was changing a diaper this afternoon after naptime, and the two-year-old was looking at the aquatic scene painted on the bathroom walls. There were fish and sea turtles, etc, and he pointed to one scary-looking creature and said, "Lobster!"
But I thought he had said "Monster," so I told him, "Oh, that's not a monster, that's a lobster!" And he replied, "A lobster mobster!"

I'm sure this kid has no idea what a mobster is. It's just easier for kids to make similar words rhyme. But it made me laugh even more when I noticed he was wearing a t-shirt that said
"Moose on the Loose."

I'm glad it wasn't really my last day.

Too Pitiful to Talk About

2008-03-19T09:34:00.003-04:00

I've been sick the past couple of days with some sort of stomach bug. I probably got it from one of the many babies I come in contact with from day to day.

I am the only human in the house this week while my family is in Savannah on their spring break. My dog has been puking for about a week due to allergies (who knew dogs could get congested?) so I had been giving her medicine and cleaning up little puddles of doggie vomit. And then the other night I started puking my guts out, too.

When you are so sick you can't even keep down half a cup of gatorade and your only companion is a canine who is sick from her own snot, you can't feel much worse. That is, until the university Parking Nazis give you a parking ticket when you go to the health center and all the sick patient spots are taken so you have to park in a normal spot which you don't have a permit for. Dammit.

But now God is smiling at me again. One of the medications has finally kicked in and I was able to eat 8 saltine crackers last night! I feel like a champion!! And Clover is doing better, too. Her medicine makes her pass out, and mine does the same for me, so we've been sharing the couch. I think we make a pretty good team.

Fight or Flight

2008-03-13T22:28:00.000-04:00

I finished a book today that I'd been reading all week. It's called Code to Zero by Ken Follett, and it is an amazing suspense/thriller. One of those books that I literally could not put down -- I read it before going to bed at night and would end up staying awake way later than I'd planned. I also read it on the flight home yesterday and was just a little bit disappointed when the plane started its final descent into Nashville because that meant I'd have to put down the book soon. It's a about KGB/CIA spies during the cold war and I highly recommend it to any literate person.

The only problem is that reading about good agents gone bad and hand-to-hand combat right before going to sleep can induce some really weird dreams. Last night I dreamed I was on a secret mission and someone was spying on me as I was hiding in a dressing room. I got into defense mode and tried to kick him in the face as he peeked under the door, and I shouted out in my sleep. The shout woke me up right before my foot landed in the guy's face, and I was shocked by the disappointment I felt. I tried to go back to the dream and finish the battle but I was in fight mode and couldn't fall back asleep.

Maybe I need to not read about spies before bed.

On a lighter and more feminine note, the picture is of the flowers in my yard that I see whenever I get out of my car. They are so cheerful and there's a whole bush of them, but they're starting to wilt and I wanted to get a picture of them before they died.

SSSS-pring Break

2008-03-10T14:07:00.001-04:00

I am back in beautiful Portland, Oregon for a few days this week, visiting some of my friends from my days at Reed College.

I had fun getting here --Delta called me the day before I left to say they'd canceled my flight, so they rerouted me. I left through Atlanta instead of Nashville, which was scary because 1)The shuttle driver to the airport was about to fall asleep at the wheel and 2)Atlanta's airport is the busiest one in the world and it intimidates me.

As I was waiting in line for security, I noticed that the first boarding pass checker had highlighted a code on my boarding pass -- four S's appearing in two places. I glanced at other passengers' boarding passes and they didn't have the SSSS code. I was worried. When I got up to the metal detector I walked through and the second boarding pass checker saw my S's and said, "You'll need to stand over here and wait for someone to check you." He put me into what looked like a phone booth and then yelled out, "FEMALE, NO ALARM!!" and everyone looked at me while I stood in my plexiglass cage. I decided SSSS must mean Super Secret Special Security.

All they did was pat me down and check my luggage for bombs but it was pretty exciting.

So I got to Portland okay, and I love it. Mid-March is one of the nicest times to be in Portland, I think. After months of gray skies and cold drizzles, the sun starts to peek through a little more often and the daffodils and cherry blossoms emerge. And everyone is SO happy! Maybe it's the vitamin D or something, but spring is definitely the happiest time here in Portland.

I walked down to the Columbia Sportswear outlet store today. It's in a residential area called Sellwood in southeast Portland. I really enjoyed walking by all the quaint old houses -- it's pretty common for people here to paint their homes magenta, yellow, bright blue, sage green... The yards have beautiful shrubs and chinese maple trees and flowers I've never seen before, and the grass is usually just a little overgrown but always very green because it rains so much, not because Portlanders actually care enough about the appearance of their lawns to use pesticides, etc. All the homes have this effortless, unique beauty that I've never really seen outside of Portland.

Even the people here are beautiful without even having to try. Girls go out wearing beat-up canvas shoes, black leggings that stop at their calves and are full of holes, a weird short skirt and a couple of layers of thrift store shirts and yet they somehow always look glamorous riding their rusty bikes to Trader Joe's. How do they do it??

As lovely as this city is, though, I don't know if I would live here again. It can be annoying to carnivores like myself to be outnumbered by vegans. You never know who you are inadvertently offending by wearing leather shoes or drinking coffee that is not certified organic and/or fair trade.

Schlemiehl, Schlimazel

2008-03-03T17:28:00.001-05:00

I was at the library book sale last week and I found a very exciting book that I'd like to share with the world. Here it is:

Love and Knishes: How to cook like a Jewish mother! At first I just laughed at it, but when I flipped through it I was delighted to find that the half of the book that isn't recipes is stories about what it's like to be a Jewish housewife circa 1956, when this was published.

Here in the South we don't have too many Jewish folks and most of what I've learned about Jewish people comes from when I lived in Oregon for two years. I babysat for a family who was kosher and I almost made a big mistake when I offered to wash the dishes one night... I would have washed the meat spatula in the dairy dish bin and then been struck by lightening by angry gods or something, I don't know. The parents never let me wash the dishes.

Anyway, this book is delightful and I am learning lots of new words, like schlimiehl and schlimazel, which I had always heard in the Laverne and Shirley song but didn't know what it meant. But this word, Nu. What is Nu? Could someone less ignorant than me please explain what Nu means?

Here's an excerpt from the chapter "You can be normal, too, Why not?" with recipes to keep on hand whenever company stops by (because normal people have company over for schnecken and lekach):

Nowadays everything is psychology. You want to go in business, you need psychology. You want to have children, you need psychology. And everybody has complexes -- a new word. In my day we didn't know from complexes. People were either verrucked, zudreht, vermished, or meshuga -- that is to say, they were either not all there, confused, mixed up, or just plain crazy. Nowadays every intelligent person has complexes and they're running like crazy to psychiatrists. If you ask me, no one in his right mind would go to one.
Nowadays people are either normal or not normal. Take me, for instance, I'm normal and it's so easy to be normal that I can't understand why people should be not normal. If you know how to read and you got eyes and ears for television, then there is no reason why you shouldn't be normal.

I haven't tried any of the recipes yet... most of them have some ingredient that's in a language I don't know. Like schmaltz, which I have learned is fat. So... butter? Lard? I don't know. Marie, if you're reading this, I am sending this book to you when I'm done reading it because I think you'd enjoy it, and I bet they sell schmaltz up there in Massachusetts.

My first blog!

2008-03-02T14:15:00.002-05:00

I have never had a blog before. When I was about 14 I had an "online diary" and only people with accounts for that site could read it, so basically it was a community of 14-year-olds and it wasn't that interesting, because the majority of 14-year-olds don't have anything especially profound to say.

I decided to make this blog because I feel like it's time for me to get with the times -- everyone has a blog it seems, even my mom has a blog (neckbone pieces) and I think it's my turn, now. I am a little bit delayed when it comes to keeping up with the technological trends that most people my age live for. For example: I just got an iPod a few months ago while many of my peers have had some sort of mp3 player for years. I downloaded my first ringtone ever on my new cellphone a few days ago and it was the most thrilling experience of the week. I get stressed out and confused anytime I have to make a spreadsheet or powerpoint. So now I am going to enter this new world of blogging and see what it has to offer!

But I feel like I should confess something first... the real reason I am sitting here right this second making a blog is because I am, as usual, procrastinating. I have already browsed through youtube and facebook and started a game of free cell that didn't work out so well. But I'm still not ready to start the paper I should be writing, so now, instead of writing a report on delta tanks, I am writing this blog entry. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

Here's hoping this blog leads to many more days of quasi-productive procrastination! Now I get to spend an hour previewing font styles and background colors. Yay!